


Cocoa?

by Dats_der_bunny



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25472221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dats_der_bunny/pseuds/Dats_der_bunny
Summary: Established V/V. Vimes has been working too hard because the anniversary of Koom Valley (the infamous battle where the dwarfs ambushed the trolls and/or the trolls ambushed the dwarfs) is coming up soon and always leads to trouble in the city. Vetinari is feeling a bit neglected but would never say so aloud...I haven't addressed Sybil in this one, so you can pretty much read whatever you like into the nature of the relationship...
Relationships: Havelock Vetinari/Samuel Vimes
Comments: 18
Kudos: 74





	Cocoa?

**Author's Note:**

> First post, I'm so nervous! This is a collection of ideas that have been buzzing around in my head for a while, I'm working on a much longer piece but I wanted to post some shorter stuff first. No beta, so feedback would be much appreciated!
> 
> No major spoilers for any book in particular (as far as I've noticed), although there are slight references to Night Watch and Thud! Essentially, all you need to know from Night Watch is that Vetinari studied concealment at the Assassins' Guild and has a particular talent for camouflage.

The hairs on the back of Vimes’s neck stood on end as he opened the door to his office. Before the rest of his brain had a chance to decide what was wrong with the room before him, his fingers slid into a pocket and withdrew a knuckle duster. He had his other hand on the hilt of his sword, but he didn’t draw it yet. Fighting with a sword in a confined space was a messy business and although he’d quite happily fight dirty, he very rarely fought with the intention to do any more than incapacitate.

He nudged the door open more fully and quickly stepped back, but the attack he’d been expecting never came. He edged into the room, but promptly relaxed.

‘Come out of there, those tricks of yours don’t work on me.’

A grey figure melted out of the shadows.

‘Very impressive, Commander. “Those tricks” even work on the Agony Aunts, you know.’

‘What can I say? I must be more of a suspicious bastard than they are.’

Vetinari smirked. It was an unfamiliar expression, to most. Today it was even more so, considering the grey face paint.

‘To what do I owe the pleasure?’ Vimes asked, pocketing the knuckle duster and sauntering over for a quick kiss before dropping into the chair behind his desk.

‘I saw your light. I was curious as to why you might be working so late.’

Vimes shrugged. ‘Koom Valley day is almost upon us yet again. Things are just starting to get predictably nasty.’ Vimes narrowed his eyes. ‘You’re perfectly well aware of that, of course.’

‘Does the Commander of the Watch really need to attend personally?’

Ah, Vimes thought. It’s one of those conversations. He knows what I’m going to say, because it’s what I always say. But he can’t admit that he gets lonely up in those rooms high above the city and recently I haven’t been spending as much time with him as I should. So, I’m going to have to say it again.

‘I earn the trust of my men by not asking them to do anything that I wouldn’t do myself. By having their back, by fighting side by side with them. I wouldn’t have it any other way.’ He decided to throw Vetinari a lifeline this time. ‘I only nipped downstairs to put the kettle on just now. Cocoa?’

Vetinari nodded. ‘Thank you,’ he said, sprawling into a chair.

Vimes brushed his hand over Vetinari’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze on the way past, then pressed a kiss to his forehead. He knew that they wouldn’t talk about it afterwards, but this is what he needed, the reason he was here.

After a while, Vimes returned with two mugs, placing one by Vetinari.

‘So kind,’ said the Patrician. He picked up the mug and glanced down at its contents. ‘Is it, in fact, kind? It looks distinctly unkind, upon closer inspection.’

Vimes laughed, shaking his head. ‘It’s an acquired taste, I’ll grant you, but just you try doing a night shift without it.’ He laughed again as Vetinari screwed up his face after the first sip. ‘It still reminds me of when I first joined up. Watch House cocoa and porridge was often the only food I saw for days at a time.’

Vetinari nodded, but as he opened his mouth to speak, there was the sound of footsteps on the stairs. He hid the mug behind one of the piles of paper on the floor[1] and settled back into the shadows.

Vimes smiled to himself. He counted under his breath, making sure it was just audible this time, for Vetinari’s benefit. The pause for breath at the top of the stairs, the slight shift in the floorboard, then the knock. All right on time.

‘Come in, Fred,’ he said, wearily.

All things considered, he did a pretty good job of keeping a straight face throughout the conversation, despite the expression on Sergeant Colon’s face as the man tried once again to work out how he’d been able to guess that it was him at the door. Not to mention the fact that he knew that Vetinari was watching the whole damned thing.

The puzzled expression remained on Colon’s face for a little longer this time, prompting Vimes to ask, ‘Is everything alright, Fred?’

Now he looked downright uncomfortable. ‘Yes, sir. Except…’ He gestured to his lips.

Vimes, with a sinking feeling, ran his thumb across his own lips and was horrified to find the grey face paint. He heard a sharp little intake of breath from Vetinari’s hiding place that may well have been a stifled laugh. ‘Damn,’ he muttered, ‘Must have been coal from the stove or something.’ It was pretty poor as excuses went but how else could you explain having grey lips? He rubbed his mouth roughly with the back of his hand. ‘Thank you, sergeant.’

Colon saluted, then turned on his heel and left.

Vimes counted under his breath again. When he decided that the coast was clear, he said, ‘Don’t you dare laugh.’

‘Wouldn’t dream of it. I don’t think he suspected anything.’

‘Neither do I.’

Vimes still hadn’t turned around, so Vetinari crossed the room to perch on the desk. He took a handkerchief from his pocket. Vimes reached for it, but Vetinari whipped it away from between his fingers. ‘Ah, not just yet,’ he said, as Vimes frowned. He brushed his fingers lightly over Vimes’s face with his other hand and tilted his chin up, then he leaned in for a deep kiss.

Vimes began to relax, then he stood up, wrapping an arm around Vetinari’s waist to draw him closer. It was a kiss without expectation of anything more, just reassuring themselves and each other that they were together, if only for a while.

‘I’ve missed you.’ breathed Vimes, when they came up for air at last.

Vetinari’s face took on a slightly more guarded expression. ‘You’ve been coming to the Palace most days for briefings,’ he said.

‘True, I’ve had plenty of meetings with the Patrician, but I’ve missed you.’

Vetinari smiled. ‘And who am I, then?’

Vimes glanced up at the ceiling as he considered this. ‘A complete bastard, I reckon. And insufferably pleased with yourself about Fred noticing the face paint,’

‘You must admit that it was quite amusing really.’

‘Hmm,’ said Vimes, ‘Maybe I’ll laugh about it later.’ He grinned, then his face fell into a sigh. ‘I am going to have to go out on patrol soon, before I’m missed.’

Vetinari nodded and untangled their limbs with a sigh of his own. He retrieved his mug from the floor and settled back into Vimes’s vacated chair. He took another sip as Vimes turned to leave. He counted under his breath.

Coincidentally, or perhaps just in accordance with the minutiae of narrative causality, it took the exact same length of time for Vimes to storm back in as it had for Colon to catch his breath earlier. He snatched the handkerchief from the already outstretched hand.

‘You could have bloody well reminded me,’ he growled, scrubbing the face paint off again.

Vetinari grinned, bright white teeth standing out against the grey before his hand was raised to cover them.

Just as Vimes reached the door, Vetinari said ‘I’ve missed you too,’ so quietly that Vimes later wondered if he’d imagined it. He paused with his hand on the doorknob, smiled briefly then went out into the very slight chill of the summer night, his heart ready to explode.

Like a dragon in the woods.

[1] It wasn’t difficult to find a pile tall enough to hide a mug behind, since there were plenty of piles to choose from and most of them were at least at knee height.

**Author's Note:**

> As above, please do leave feedback! I hope you liked it!


End file.
